This week marks a decade of living in the place I never imagined I’d land up. Standing at the airport back on April 27th, 2004, I had no idea what was in store. It felt a bit like Abraham’s journey – leaving my father’s home, my people, and going to a land that I did not know. Although I’m in the same country, it’s definitely a different place and a whole new culture. About 4,389 kms and a ferry ride away from home, to be specific. I’d had practice leaving home before, many times, in fact – but this was different. There was a finality to my leaving. Knowing this was a career move, not a temporary adventure.
What stands out the most to me in remembering that moment, with overstuffed suitcase in hand and airplane ticket on the counter, is what I tearfully asked my Mama as she hugged me goodbye.
“What if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life?”
And Mama, with strength that was more like wisdom dressed in heart-breaking bravado than anything else, just said, “well then, you’ll just come home.”
Now that I’m a mother myself, I understand far more how much those words cost her. I suspect that what she (and my dear Dad) would have rather said was “DON’T GO! Stay here! Marry a nice local boy, have dinner with us each Sunday, live down the street so that I can see my grandchildren daily, and never leave again.”
There was such a cost to my parents in letting go. Oh, the cost.
Turns out, it wasn’t the biggest mistake of my life. One year after arriving in this ‘foreign land’, I met the man who would be my best friend and husband. And although two years ago I was flat-out begging my beloved to move back to the Island of my birth, we didn’t. Which I’m grateful for, because at that very time our daughter was already in the world, growing in the womb and would be born very soon. Had I succeeded in my campaign to go back, I would have missed out on receiving one of the greatest miracles of my life. The cost was high and painful, and hasn’t ever gotten easier, but the return has been immeasurable. And, as often happens, it turns out that this miraculous gift of our Girl is not just for me, but for my parents as well. If we lived close by, it’s unlikely that they would have gotten 8 weeks of all day, every day time with our Sweet Girl this year. Living far away means that while visits can be intense, they are also precious and we make the most of them.
Although its still not easy, here is what I’ve learned – my parents gave me an enormous gift when they released me to leave, with no promise that I’d ever return. I can’t quite say yet that I’m willing to do the same unselfish thing for our Sweet Girl but in her I see what my parents also likely saw – this remarkable spirit that takes off running, independent, confident, befriending others, making her way in the world and then turning back to Mama and Daddy for a snuggle. And a trust in the One who created her to have good plans for her life, to use her gifts and stretch her.
Hopefully one day I’ll have the same courage to return the gift that was given to me by entrusting her into her Creator’s care for His purposes for her precious life. I’m not quite there. (But for the record, it would be okay if she’d like to marry local, live down the street from me and raise me some precious grandchildren that I could snuggle every day. Just sayin’.)
Now it is your turn – What about you? What was the greatest gift your family gave you?
Ellen
*A Giveaway!
I believe strongly that family is important. As such, I’ve been given a set of passes for the one night only, May 7th screening of Irreplaceable. All you need to do is put up your hand by commenting below to enter to win! I’ll draw the winner this Friday at noon.
Ellen,
I’m so glad I had the opportunity to meet you. You write with the same voice you speak.
I have so often thought about my parents blessing me to marry my beloved when I was barely nineteen. We so often have thought about how they never made us feel as though we were taking a huge risk but they rather encouraged us to make our home a place where God would be welcomed and present. We did.
Then, we decided not to delay having babies. Soon after our second child was born my beloved was diagnosed with cancer and we saw then that God had given us the desires of our heart while we were still young and able. What a generous gift my parents gave us.
Now we watch our grown up children and we trust that we will give them the encouragement we were gifted with so many years ago.
Oh Lovella – thank you! I love your story – you inspire me. So grateful for you sharing it! What a gift your parents gave you!
Ellen,
What a tremendous gift your parents gave you…such a blessing…and for you to be able to see it anew with your sweet girl’s arrival…precious 🙂
Hello Dolly! Yes – it is a gift that I can hardly fathom. Such a blessing! Thank you so much for visiting – so glad to have you here!
Quite the question you pose….what is the GREATEST gift? Well, I would have to say it is the unconditional love. With that comes so much acceptance of my choices (both good & bad). In loving me, they taught me to love – that is a gift that is invaluable to me. I am grateful.
Andrea – yes, yes, yes. Thank you so much for joining me here, friend. XO
When I consider your question Ellen, I owe a huge, non-repayable gift of gratitude to my parents for an infinite number of gifts … The most priceless gift being their undying, unconditional love … Not just for me, but for my nine brothers and sisters as well. In hindsight, I stand in awe of my parents who raised 10 children. With an unshakeable faith in God, and in each other, and in us kids, mom and dad were definitely the most resilient people I think I will ever know. There is no doubt in my mind that I am who I am today because of my parents influence first and foremost and that I am one of ten.
Anne – yes! What a gift! It is amazing to have that unfailing love from parents – such a HUGE gift! I see it with you and Katie too!
You have many years ahead of you before you may or may not be faced with the same decision to let go as your parents did. My parents ran lol. But I stay here with the love of family & friends who became my family & though I miss them deeply, I never felt the same love as you did growing up. Lesson is I will be sure to show my children the love they deserve, & I hope they never leave….for long! You are so very lucky to have parents that showed you how to be the best friend, mother, daughter, & wife you can be!
Kathy – I was 11 when I first travelled away by myself – that seems way too soon now! You’re very right – I have been so blessed with good parents. They’d be the first to say that they’re not perfect, but they’ve loved me & taught me very well.
Hi Ellen thank you for your post, we left our hometown twice first time we returned and second time we returned to the same country but not the hometown. Now I’m the one that has seen my children go.
Hello Sandra! I’m glad you could relate! Thank you so much for visiting!