How do you survive in leadership when life takes a few unexpected curves? And, what do you do when the detour goes on for miles? For years?

This is what I have been living out since April of 2013, when my husband Mike (pastor at the time and now former pastor of West London Alliance Church) was diagnosed with stage IV colorectal cancer and given a 10% chance of survival. We were shocked. How could this be happening to a guy who was so physically fit (a marathon runner; no previous genetic history; healthy his whole life)? In addition, what would this mean for our family, our church, my work? And then eventually for me as a widow?(!)

While we were initially shocked by the diagnosis and to be in the Cancer Club, we weren’t undone. We both had a tremendous sense of God holding us as we worked on believing even more wholeheartedly in God’s sovereign purposes. So then, what would our strategy be? I had been, and still am, working full-time for Compassion Canada in a leadership role, so there was lots for us to think about and ponder over as we moved forward.

Here are a few survival tips that I have adhered to over these past five years (and even more so in these recent days as Mike has now been assigned to palliative care with no further cancer treatments):

1. Regularly reassess priorities.

   I need to pause for a reality check from time to time. The situation changes. So where do I put my efforts now? Family? Work? Ministry? This continues to be a challenge. My love for my work at Compassion, and church women’s ministries, are always in tension with my desire to “quit everything” to take care of Mike. There’s always lots to pray about, and to seek counsel on.

2. Don’t quit the essentials.

   In times of stress and high demand, I’m tempted to let go of personal disciplines and so I determined to stick to them all. Time in the Word and prayer each morning has been my lifeline, laying my burdens down, and picking up His promises. I joined the YMCA shortly after the diagnosis so I could ensure exercise would be a part of my weekly routine. Swimming those laps, and the extra time it provides for prayer and problem solving, has not only kept my heart beating but also my spirit soaring. Along with that, I continue to try to be sensible with my diet, and to get enough sleep… even though I’ve never been very good at the sleeping part.

3. Deal with anxieties upfront.

   I have had the unexpected luxury of being able to have long conversations with Mike for five years now. They have been crucial in helping me stay grounded. We have talked about every little thing and organized ourselves in regards to funeral arrangements, house repair stuff, e.g. where do we keep those furnace filters?, car maintenance, future finances, Internet passwords, etc. So now, I have every relevant thing in a file and on a shelf in my mind, alleviating constant worry. We continue to revisit this file folder as time goes on.

4. Keep communicating with family, friends and coworkers.

   Open communication with our grown kids has been important as they all handle things differently. The pressure of “the last Christmas? Birthday? Easter? Father’s Day?” can be emotionally draining on all of us. So now, we try not to over emphasize these occasions, and to live each day intentionally (as we always should!) It has been tempting at times to withdraw from friends, but I have come to see that I need my friends now more than ever. Being the needy and vulnerable one has been somewhat new and challenging. It has also been important for me to be open and honest with work colleagues. I am grateful for the support I’ve received from Compassion, and the ongoing opportunities to talk and pray about “what’s happening now.” And the flexibility I have been given to support Mike through surgeries and treatments has been a gracious gift.

5. Live the adventure.

   Some adventure, you might say. However, Christ came that we might have life and have it to the full. That means, I think, even in the midst of trying circumstances, life is no less full, and in many ways, it is more so. I try to begin each day with a sense of anticipation that He is working His plan, and will provide me with everything I need. So I try to be intentional about noticing and recording the joyful moments in order to remind myself, my family and my friends that even in the midst of suffering, there is joy.

   “The will of God is never exactly what you expect it to be. It may seem to be much worse, but in the end it’s going to be a lot better and a lot bigger.” ~ Elisabeth Elliot

   

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   Deb Wilkins was born and raised in Toronto. In 1977, she both graduated from Queen’s University, and married her husband, Mike. They moved to London in 1984, when Mike became the pastor of West London Alliance Church where they happily served for 31 years.

   In 1990, they gave homeschooling a try. She and two friends launched a weekly co-op program called H.I.G.H.Day (Homeschoolers In God’s Hands), which has just celebrated its 20th anniversary.

   Seven years later, when her homeschooling concluded, Deb took a position at Compassion Canada. She is currently a member of the Executive Leadership Team representing the Engagement Group, providing service and support to all donors. Compassion is a great fit because it aligns with her love for both the local church and holistic child development. She has worked hard to build a team that is passionate about serving supporters as they help to release children from poverty in Jesus’ name.

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