(Want encouragement? This beautiful response to Davion’s story was a 2013 highlight for me.)
Let’s be clear – these kids bear this label not because of what choices they have made, but the choices the adults around them, charged to care for them, have made. These precious, created-in-His-image children may act inappropriately, are angry, hurt, are not easy to care for, and have challenges that will possibly take years to overcome. Those of us who feel unloved, and unloveable often do.
We considered welcoming an older, harder to adopt child, but before we knew it we were matched with Sweet Girl and over the summer our life shifted. Our wee gift – loved beyond measure from birth, happy, smiling, was never branded with this stigma.
However, our hearts are still heavy for those who are and I’ve found myself thinking of them – have they found homes? Have they found the families they long for and who long for them? Are they learning, soul-healing deep, that they are loved with an everlasting love just as they are? Are they learning to love in return?
And I consider you & I – and wonder as well, how many of us are walking wounded, carrying labels that translate in our souls to unloveable. Unloved. I once shared with a group of ladies that I believe these hurts leave deep scratches on our hearts. Scratches that heal, but leave scars behind that chafe when they’re bumped. They might not (or they just might) come from neglect, abuse or the loss of a parent’s care, but they may just as easily come from a bully’s pointed taunts, from a trusted adult’s careless remark, from a spouse’s betrayal. We might even be self-injured, discounting our own value in disappointment and failure. These labels are as untrue and unacceptable for us as they are for children waiting for families.
As we bring up Sweet Girl to know how very loved she is, it is essential for her daddy and I to know that in order to lead her to the Healer of her soul, we need to meet with Him first. We need to know that despite our failings and our brokenness, we are loved and loveable. We are worth the hard work. We are valuable, precious, born with purpose, masterpieces.
You, friend, are valuable. You are loved. May we each touch our healing scars, know that they are part of our shared humanity, and remember that in them is the proof that we are loved.
Would you like to know more about those ‘unadoptable’ children? Here’s a little video for you (warning: I can’t watch it without tears every.single.time)
My heart hurts for those who are labeled ‘unadoptable’. I pray they know that God loves them no matter what.
Hello Melissa! Nice to meet you! Yes – and amen. My heartbeat is the same.
“I once shared with a group of ladies that I believe these hurts leave deep scratches on our hearts. Scratches that heal, but leave scars behind that chafe when they’re bumped.”
I think these lines resonated with me the most, as they describe so well what we went experienced through our infertility in a culture of hyperfertility, surrounded by well-meaning but unintentionally obtuse people.
Keep writing, Ellen! Sipping a coffee while reading your blog is the next best thing to a coffee and chat in person (which we should do again soon, hint hint!).
J
Hey Jo! So glad to have coffee with you (and yes to your hint!). Thank you for sharing your journey – you are so right. I did smile at ‘well-meaning but unintentionally obtuse’. Grateful for the grace to see the well-meaning piece of that… and how many times have I been so obtuse?
Ellen, I am so happy to see your blog! This is a wonderful way for us women to share and care for each other. Keep encouraged, and God Bless You. Elmeda
Dear Elmeda – thank you so much, friend! I so appreciate your encouragement!
Well written Ellen, Special Girl is so lucky to have found you,too bad all children are not so lucky, but, with you as an advocate some wil get the gift. Hugs
Thank you, Shirley! That is my hope – that every child would have these opportunities! We are so fortunate to have our Sweet Girl! She is a gift! Hugs to you too!
I cannot imagine any child being deemed “unadoptable”. I am so thankful my Father in Heaven adopted me into His family. Found you through Holley’s link up! Blessings!
Oh Barbie – so true! I’m thankful you found me here – so glad to meet you and visit your blog too!
Very touching. Our family is hoping to add to our family of 6 by adopting through the foster care system in the very near future!
I really needed to read this post. Thank you for sharing it.
My wife was adopted, luckily when she was a baby, but we’ve always said we wanted to adopt a child. There’s no better feeling than to open your home and heart to a child and there’s no better way to fill an empty space in a person’s heart than the laughter of a child. However I firmly believe the reason that there are so many children waiting for homes is because it costs people anywhere from $10K on up to and sometimes more than $50K for lawyer fees and things and then they tell you if you can’t afford it how can you afford to raise the child. First if I was raising a child I would not spend that much money on them in one lump sum, perhaps through out their life I’ll spend that much money, but it’s like only the very rich or celebrities have the corner market on adoptions. So even though it’s sad to see kids labeled unadoptable maybe they wouldn’t be if some potential parents weren’t labeled not rich enough to be adoptive parents.
I’m ill just at the thought that children have to hear the unadoptable. WHAT!! A child should never have to hear that. Every child can be adopted there just needs to be someone who loves there job an loved children to never give up. Never give up hope. There are so many families out here waiting for a call. Or licensing workers that say you have to many kids already so you can’t get a license. They throw away amazing, wonderful foster/adopt families. We are a family that has to wait till one goes off to college this fall to get our license back. We have eight children an everyone of them are than care of. All there needs are met an then some. We love children an we understand they come with challenges. The look on that child’s face when you tell them we are stuck together like glue. Most of them don’t be leave that do to there past. We are one of those families. Every child deserves a chance.
“We need to know that despite our failings and our brokenness, we are loved and loveable. We are worth the hard work. We are valuable, precious, born with purpose, masterpieces.” So beautiful. My husband and I are pursuing our second adoption, a little boy with significant special needs. He isn’t home with us yet (we haven’t even met him), but I so want to say these words to him. HE is fearfully and wonderfully made, no matter what anyone says.
Thank you for these beautifully written words.
Oh my heart.
I’ve tried for 16 years to have a baby and I would love nothing more but to be able to take that title away from a child. my prayers are with each and every one of those children.
No one should be unadoptable. I have ten adopted children, some were real challenges, some not so much, but all are loveable. No child should be without a family and a home.